Blessings and Curses
by Smokey-eyed-Beauty
Summary: When I was 2 months old, I was given the name Attha. I did not know then that I was receiving both a blessing and a curse. [Cagalli Centric] ONESHOT


**LIke all my other oneshots, this one's a spur of the moment. I'd say it's relativly good, but you guys get the final word on that. Discalimer: No, I don't own Gundam Seed...What? Are you surprised?**

--XX--

From what Kisaka tells me, I was given the name 'Attha' when I was 2 months old. What I didn't know then was that I was being given both a blessing and a curse.

The first time the curse ever affected me, I was six years old. I had been invited (translation: forced) to some-girl-who's-father-did-something-important's birthday party. Not only that, but I was going to be forced into a pink dress! Pink! At that age I had already discovered the horrors of the female stereotype. Petrified of the ugly and uncomfortable garment, I did the only sensible I could think of: I ran away.

Ah! My first escapade, I remember it well. Everything was going fine until I realized I was lost (which took me a rather long time, I embarrassed to say). Being the outgoing (I am _so_ lucky there's no word with a negative connotation to describe this personality trait) kid I was, I went right up to the first person I saw (ahem –trusted) and asked them for help. The woman (once again, trusted) got the situation all wrong and thought I'd lost my parents, she was also a social worker. So the first thing she did was ask me my name…

All of my short life, I had been told to take pride in the Attha name I carried, that it would bring me everything I wanted. That it was a blessing. So, when the nice-looking-lady-social-worker-person opened her mouth and formed her lips so that the question: "what's your name, sweetie?" I instantly replied: "Cagalli Yula Attha," with a smile.

I realize now that it was a stupid answer, because the next thing I knew, I was wearing the pink dress of doom and watching some spoiled little wannabe princess open presents than disregard them as if they were worth nothing. My only fond memory of that party was of me shoving cake in her face. Sweet revenge indeed.

None the less, after that day, the name Attha was no longer a blessing, but a curse. Whenever I ran away, I knew I had to hide my identity. And it wasn't only that, people sometimes used the name Attha to get to me. Like how Yuuna (excuse me, Unato) trying to get to side with him by saying that I would be disgracing the Attha name if I didn't. Or how Shinn yells at me as if trying to avenge his family (still). People have always known that they could bring me down with just that word. It was a curse after all.

But the name Attha was also a blessing, though it took me a long time to realize that. Sure, everyone I knew, Mana, Kisaka, my father, they'd been telling me that since the day I was born, but I never really had any proof of that.

I remember pretending to go over files at the Desert Dawn resistance base while a cocky blond pilot asked (I mean pryed) for my name (and went on to never speak it). It must have been the whole raging hormones thing (I was a late bloomer) but my mind was split in two. Half of me just wanted to ignore him and let Sahib tell him my false name, my lie. But the other half, the secretly-proud-to-be-princess-of-Orb half was screaming at me to tell the Earth Alliance officers who I really was. Show them that just because I was a princess, I could still kick butt. My little common sense, my love of freedom and my newfound hate of the Desert Tiger took over and I stayed quiet. Too this day, I still have no idea why I felt the need to prove myself to them, but like I said, raging hormones.

Anyways, my point is, after that uninteresting scene, I kept having the world's greatest desire to tell everyone the truth about me. I guess it was seeing Kira again after Heleopolis. I was so worried about him after that. He did after all sacrifice his safety for mine. Now he was in the Earth Alliance, a coordinator in the Earth Alliance! And it was my entire fault (at least from my point of view, Kira's never blamed me for it). In my mind, telling him who I really was would be a sort of apology to him (seeing as at that age, I had _way_ too much pride to flat out apologize).

But it wasn't just that, I had grown attached to that Archangel and most of the crew (there were a few exceptions –coughFllaycough-) and they all seem used to me. Yet, they didn't know the real me. I wanted them to. I'm not sure why, but I was tired of being Cagalli Yula, the nobody with a bad attitude. I was ready to tell them the truth and the consequences that would come from me doing so. Kisaka, being the worry wort he was, told (more like ordered) me not to say a word about. Just incase they decided to take me hostage or do something barbaric like that. They had been involved in that whole Lacus Clyne deal up in space…

Unfortunately, Kisaka knew that he could never get me to agree with his restrictions for long. And the next thing anybody knew (well, the second next thing, the first was me being MIA and spending that night on the island with Athrun –Kira _still_ doesn't know about that) I was on the Archangel's bridge screaming my name out to the world.

"_My name…my name is Cagalli Yula Attha!"_

That's what I said. I wasn't smiling this time, I was crying. I had lost my freedom and most likely many people's trust. I knew both Kira and Athrun had heard my outburst. But there was a part of me that was also happy, because I had finally begun to understand how the name Attha could be a blessing. I don't care what anyone says, if it weren't for me, the Archangel would have sunk that day (and Haumea would have cursed me _again_ in my next life). I realized that, and I finally understood why I was so eager to tell everyone the truth.

The Attha name may be a curse, but it's also a spell that can save hundreds of lives within two syllables. A word that can bring hope to people's hearts with it's existence. A blessing, if you think about it.

After that incident, never a day passed when I wasn't proud to carry the Attha name. It was my good luck charm, my crowning glory (no pun intended). It was something that I had finally come to accept.

There are still days when I hate the Attha name and all it's worth, when I think of it as a curse. After all, I'm only human right?

And the truth is, I'm not really an Attha, I was born Hibiki. I told you before that I was 2 months old when I (unknowingly) received that great name as gift, along with a new life, from one of the greatest people to walk this earth or space.

That gift changed my life, and I'm glad I accepted it. It's ironic how I made one of the wisest decisions of my life when I had hardly any brains at all (I was the natural child, remember?). Because if I hadn't, I most likely would have grown up a Hibiki, a kid coming from a broken family that's constantly on the run from Blue Cosmos. My biological father would most likely be a bastard, and I get the impression that after a while Mother wouldn't have the guts or spirit to stand up to him. Kira and I know each other more now, then we would if we had grown up together, because him being the Ultimate Coordinator would probably be forced to suffer constant training and tests.

If I hadn't been given the name Attha, I would've never known peace.

I can't imagine that.

I think it's when I found out about them, the Hibiki's, my biological family, _my _biological identity that I finally understood what it meant to have the name Attha.

Attha can be a curse or a blessing, but most of the time it's both. I grew up with that name and I always carry it with me (sorry Athrun, but there is no way I'm changing my name for a man! Girl power!). And I will make certain that in lives on through my child (and I mean child, I'm NOT Lacus Clyne after all!). And I can only hope that Attha will continue to be what it is now as the generations pass.

See what I mean when I say it can be a curse? People place their hope in me, but I can only hope I'll do the right thing. But then again, when I know people trust me enough to place hope in me, I also know that can come through for them.


End file.
